Using an Egg Donor Part 1
First comes loves,
then comes marriage,
then comes....
the journey of finding some eggs
for you to carry
and eventually,
hopefully make it to your carriage.
That's the journey my hubs and I are on right now.
We've been on this DEIVF
(Donor Egg Egg IVF)
Since 2017.
How did we get here?
Why an egg donor?
Well for one, I have no eggs.
Secondly I still have a uterus.
Craziness, I know.
While everyone will have different health and life
factors that lead them to choosing to grow their family via
DEIV - the most important step... ready for this.
THE most important step is -
TAKE TIME TO GRIEVE
Step 1:
Allow yourself and your partner to grieve.
Don't let anyone rush you.
Allow your self to be there.
Your child's exact DNA will not be half you and half your spouse.
(Epigenetics are a thing too)
However you end up needing to go through using a donor -
I know personally it stings to
know that my own eggs, my own personal DNA won't have the opportunity to
blend with my husband's
This is something I struggled with, and wrestled with
for a bit.
Having dated my husband for 7 years before getting engaged -
I often day dreamed about what our children would look like.
Certainly they would get our curly hair...
Give yourself space and time to wrestle with that.
Talk with a therapist.
Talk with a friend... let it out.
Journal the grief out.
It is ok to grieve it, and ok to let it go.
Sit with it and then remember
YOUR STORY is not over.
Also: Find other infertility mamas like Victoria who can help you navigate this.
Step 2:
Have REALLY hard conversations with your spouse.
Ask the questions. Will you go with a known donor?
An egg donor agency?
How about embryo adoption?
Who will you let into your story?
Not everyone has to walk this journey openly as I have chosen to.
Ask yourself and your spouse who would you like to ask to
walk with you in this journey?
I had just begun searching egg donor agencies when we
began getting oh so generous offers.
amazing ladies offered to be egg donors for us! Family and friends.
The tough conversations with your spouse are necessary -
does family background of your eggs matter?
Will you ask a family member?
There are also many egg donor agencies - it is wise do to your research
because each state has different laws surrounding egg donation.
Your RE (reproductive endocrinologist) also may have an egg donor
program or can lead you to agencies they have worked with.
Step 3:
If you have narrowed down and chosen a donor -either known or unknown. Your spouse and the egg donor will need to go through genetic testing. This will ensure that they are not both carries of the same or similar genetic conditions. (ex same types of cancers ).
Your egg donor, if she hasn't done so, will have to go through a blood test to check her AMH level.
See if your insurance can cover some of these costs. If not ask your RE facility to help you find a
way to facilitate these costs under your budget.
Step 4 (not really a step):
Know that there will be many more steps.
This journey is NOT linear. (I mean - any journey in life seems to be
like this right? not easy. not straight... unexpected bumps, stops, curves and turns right? It can't
be just me)
This journey involves a whole lot of waiting.
It will be expensive.
You will wait some more. (get some MHN in your life - that girl has a way with words!)
You will want to quit.
You will be drained and exhausted at the thought of
more signatures and more paperwork.
But you will continue because you remind yourself of your dream
If you can't picture your dream - you ask someone to remind you when you can't see it.
Even though we are not even close to be done - I'm thankful. I have seen God's hand move in more ways than one.
I have seen how God is truly orchestrating each detail.
I still have hope.
Please know you can have hope too.
Please let me know if you to are using an egg donor - I would love to hear about your journey!
Or if your health circumstances are forcing you to need an egg donor - I would love to chat with you.
I'll share more steps as I learn them on this journey - the Donor Egg IVF journey.
While everyone will have different health and life
factors that lead them to choosing to grow their family via
DEIV - the most important step... ready for this.
THE most important step is -
TAKE TIME TO GRIEVE
Step 1:
Allow yourself and your partner to grieve.
Don't let anyone rush you.
Allow your self to be there.
Your child's exact DNA will not be half you and half your spouse.
(Epigenetics are a thing too)
However you end up needing to go through using a donor -
I know personally it stings to
know that my own eggs, my own personal DNA won't have the opportunity to
blend with my husband's
This is something I struggled with, and wrestled with
for a bit.
Having dated my husband for 7 years before getting engaged -
I often day dreamed about what our children would look like.
Certainly they would get our curly hair...
Give yourself space and time to wrestle with that.
Talk with a therapist.
Talk with a friend... let it out.
Journal the grief out.
It is ok to grieve it, and ok to let it go.
Sit with it and then remember
YOUR STORY is not over.
Also: Find other infertility mamas like Victoria who can help you navigate this.
Step 2:
Have REALLY hard conversations with your spouse.
Ask the questions. Will you go with a known donor?
An egg donor agency?
How about embryo adoption?
Who will you let into your story?
Not everyone has to walk this journey openly as I have chosen to.
Ask yourself and your spouse who would you like to ask to
walk with you in this journey?
I had just begun searching egg donor agencies when we
began getting oh so generous offers.
amazing ladies offered to be egg donors for us! Family and friends.
The tough conversations with your spouse are necessary -
does family background of your eggs matter?
Will you ask a family member?
There are also many egg donor agencies - it is wise do to your research
because each state has different laws surrounding egg donation.
Your RE (reproductive endocrinologist) also may have an egg donor
program or can lead you to agencies they have worked with.
Step 3:
If you have narrowed down and chosen a donor -either known or unknown. Your spouse and the egg donor will need to go through genetic testing. This will ensure that they are not both carries of the same or similar genetic conditions. (ex same types of cancers ).
Your egg donor, if she hasn't done so, will have to go through a blood test to check her AMH level.
See if your insurance can cover some of these costs. If not ask your RE facility to help you find a
way to facilitate these costs under your budget.
Step 4 (not really a step):
Know that there will be many more steps.
This journey is NOT linear. (I mean - any journey in life seems to be
like this right? not easy. not straight... unexpected bumps, stops, curves and turns right? It can't
be just me)
This journey involves a whole lot of waiting.
It will be expensive.
You will wait some more. (get some MHN in your life - that girl has a way with words!)
You will want to quit.
You will be drained and exhausted at the thought of
more signatures and more paperwork.
But you will continue because you remind yourself of your dream
If you can't picture your dream - you ask someone to remind you when you can't see it.
Even though we are not even close to be done - I'm thankful. I have seen God's hand move in more ways than one.
I have seen how God is truly orchestrating each detail.
I still have hope.
Please know you can have hope too.
Please let me know if you to are using an egg donor - I would love to hear about your journey!
Or if your health circumstances are forcing you to need an egg donor - I would love to chat with you.
I'll share more steps as I learn them on this journey - the Donor Egg IVF journey.
